Fall

As the leaves begin to fall (in all other places beside "no-season California") I am reminded that I am approaching the close of another year. Another year older, another 365 days gone to memory and another 365 in cubicle hell. There seems to be a shift in the season here, the blazing heat of a delayed summer seems to have caused people to wake up and react. We may not having falling leaves in California but people are sure falling out of this job. And I find myself stepping forward in line awaiting my turn to leap off the branch. Falling is such an interesting and exhilarating experience. In the beginning you feel that you have just made a huge mistake. You hear your voice screaming inside of your head and then realize you are also screaming out-loud. You panic thinking that you are surely headed toward impending doom and then suddenly you feel this sense of calm. You realize that no matter how hard or scary the impact, that you knew exactly why you took this leap and that you are going to be okay. That sense of falling rejuvenates each and every cell and the pumping adrenaline gives you new life.

You begin to recognize that you are in control of this fall and you are definitely ready to prepare yourself for the landing. Now landings are tricky things because you have so many options. As you hover over the ground you begin to consider all of your options. You could land behind the lens of a camera, at a writing desk, in a foreign country and you realize that these are all fantastic options. You begin to weigh the options of each landing and know that no matter which one you choose, you are going to stick this landing. You may wobble and your heart may be racing but you are prepared for each of these. And so as you soar closer to the ground you have to ask yourself, when I land, will I be proud of my journey? And when you feel proud then you know you are on the right path.

For me, my pride is injured and limping and one of my wings is faltering but I know that with this changing season I am beginning to see the ground more clearly and that even this stumble was part of the path. All I hope is that before I make that final landing I can kick that damn company hawk that injured my wing in the freakin' face!

Bravery

What is bravery? What does it take to have gumption in your life? If you close your eyes, pick a town and just move away on a whim, is that irresponsible or brave?

We are told to "soul-search" to take quiet moments and learn about ourselves, find out who we are and what we want to do with our lives. We are encourage to dream big, love big, laugh big, and yet in the midst of these encouraging words we are also told to plan ahead, save for a rainy day, be smart, be responsible. So which is it? Are we the dreamers, are we the ones who take risks and live adventures or are we the financially saavy, invested, older than our age adults who play it safe.

If you aren't happy isn't it okay to just take a leap of faith and try something new? I have this constant nagging vision of myself. This image that plays over and over again inside of my head and when it makes it appearance fills me with the most indescribable happiness....what is this dream you ask? Well the scene opens as you walk through the french doors into a library/office surrounding with shelves of well-worn books and hardwood floors. There is a desk with a stagnant computer the blinking light opened to the newest unwritten page in the newest unfinished novel. Look to the right and you will find a large oversized chair with the most comfortable blanket draped lovingly over it's back. And from this chair you can gaze out through the french doors onto the lake outside nestled in a quiet and dense forest. It is in this lakeside cabin that I live, dream, breath and exist as entirely my own person.

So why am I instead residing in a room inside a tiny condo with a dysfunctional family and 3 dogs? Well you see this is only a vision, a dream right? It is something that you hope to achieve one day but that you accept may never come to pass, right? Right?

I'm starting to think no, not right. Why shouldn't I have that dream at 25. Why shouldn't I seek out this dream house by the lake and snuggle my way into that chair? Why do we always tell ourselves that our deepest dearest dreams must wait. Why do we prolong our happiness in favor of responsibility?

And so I back pedal to my original question and ask, if you were to pick up and move to a small lakeside town on a whim; abandon the career, the comfort and the responsibility and seek out your true dream, wouldn't that make you brave? Wouldn't that make you the hero of your own life? I am having trouble finding enough reasons to say no...